


Only Love Can Hurt Like This

by mariahkaitlin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean/Sam - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Gay, Incest, M/M, Only Love Can Hurt Like This, Sam/Dean - Freeform, Smut, Tornado, Wincest - Freeform, fan fiction, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 14:45:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 19,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4309215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariahkaitlin/pseuds/mariahkaitlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Sam Winchester are two brothers that test the boundaries of love. They are not certain about anything except just one thing: Only Love Can Hurt Like This.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, this is my first time EVER writing a fanfiction, so bear with me! Comment what you think!   
> And as a heads up, the point-of-view will change multiple times throughout the fic. I will let you know the POV before each chapter.  
> The song title is after the song "Only Love Can Hurt Like This" by Paloma Faith.
> 
> Short chapter to start us off, but they will get progressively longer! :) Enjoy!

-Dean-

Dean woke early one morning, a soft light filtering in through the motel room curtains, illuminating Sam's sleeping face. Sam was having nightmares earlier that night, so Dean had let him crawl in the bed with him, hoping that would help since it always helped when he was little. He got out of bed, careful not to disturb Sam, and went to take a shower.

After turning the water off, he quickly put on some boxers, not bothering to dry off. He threw open the bathroom door and dived onto the bed.

"Wakey wakey, Sam!" he yelled, shaking his wet hair all over Sam.

Sam pulled the covers over his head, trying to shield himself from Niagara Falls. "Nuhgh! What the fuck, Dean?"

Dean ripped the covers off Sam's face and started bouncing up and down, "It's 6:30, time to wake up! You know what today is!"

Sam groaned and rolled out of bed, "Yeah, yeah." Sam went to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

Dean stuck out his bottom lip and mocked Sam, "Wittle Sammy wammy is in a bad mood today." He continued to imitate Sam by stomping around the motel room and throwing stuff into their bags.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sam asked, suddenly emerging from the bathroom.

Dean's eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled, "Well, I'm pretending to be you, of course. I mean, seriously Sam, who pissed in your post toasties?"

"No one. I'm just hungry."

"Okay, how about you finish packing and then we'll go get some food."

Dean laid on the bed and closed his eyes, trying to relax as he waited for Sam to hurry up and finish packing. He refused to let Sam's bad mood rub off on him. It was going to be a great day because he gets to see Jacen. Jacen is Dean's boyfriend of over 5 months. They had met at a bar while Sam and Dean were on a hunt in Tennessee. After about 3 weeks of talking, they started dating. 5 months was a long time to be in a long distance relationship since Jacen lived in Tennessee and Sam and Dean constantly traveled. So, they decided to meet up whenever Sam and Dean were in Tennessee so they could keep their relationship going strong.


	2. Chapter 2

-Dean-

Sam parked the Impala in front of a vintage-looking diner. It had a black and white checkered floor, long bar along one side, booths on the other, jukebox in the back. Dean gawked at the jukebox for so long that Sam had to physically pull him away and to a booth.

"It's not often you see a place like this, Sammy. Got to take it in while ya can." Dean smiled.

A waitress with long, dark brown hair approached their table dressed in a pink shirt and black skirt. Totally vintage.

"Hey, y'all. My name is Karii and I'll be servin' y'all this mornin'. What can I get you?"

Dean smiled, "I'll take coffee and bacon, eggs, and pancakes."

Karii didn't look away from Dean until Sam finally cleared his throat.

"I'll take the same thing as him, thanks."

Karii nodded and smiled at Dean as she walked away.

"Really, Dean?"

Dean looked at him defensively, "What?"

"You're totally flirting." Sam whispered as Karii came back and set the coffees down.

"Anything else I can get you before your food comes out?" she asked looking at Dean.

"No ma'am. We're all set for now." Dean replied and she walked away. "See? Totally not flirting."

"You were. You have a boyfriend. How would he feel if he knew you were flirting with someone else?"

"I wasn't flirting, Sam. Besides, since when did you care what Jacen would think? He didn't seem to cross your mind when you were begging to suck my dick the other night."

Sam's eyes widened. "I was wasted, Dean. I didn't know what I was saying."

"Yeah, that explains why it's happened on more than one occasion."

When Karii came with their food, Sam looked down, not saying a word.

"Here y'all go. If you need anything else just holler."

"Okay, thanks." Dean said, still looking at Sam. "Look, Sam. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." he said after Karii left.

Sam continued to eat his food, ignoring everything that Dean was saying. The rest of the meal was filled with silence. Karii came back a few times but Dean kept his eyes on his plate and Sam the whole time. He'd fucked up and he knew that. He felt bad and he knew he embarrassed Sam, but Sam wasn't going to accept his apology that easily.

Finishing his food, Sam stood up and left him sitting in the booth. Dean caught Karii's eye, "I need the check, please."

He followed her over to the register and paid for the bill. She quickly wrote something on the receipt and handed it to him. As he was walking out the door, he glanced at it.

"Call me! 6156515546! XOXO, Karii."

He scoffed and tossed it over his shoulder as he slid into the passenger side of the Impala.


	3. Chapter 3

\- Sam -

Sam was silent all the way to drop Dean off at Jacen's house. He was pissed and nothing Dean said could make him forget what he said back at the diner.

Sam stopped in front of Jacen's house and Dean climbed out of the car and turned around, "Be back at ten."

"Yeah, okay." Sam muttered, driving away after Dean closed the door.

There was absolutely nothing for him to do in the next couple of hours, so he parked the Impala in an empty parking lot and drifted off to sleep. When he woke again, it was getting dark outside and the clock read 7 P.M. "Holy fuck." he muttered to himself. He had slept almost twelve hours and didn't even know how. He had 3 hours to kill until he had to get Dean, so he drove to one of his favorite places: a bar.

"I'll take a Zombie**." he told the bartender as he sat down at the bar.

"Comin' right up."

The bartender sat the drink in front of him and Sam took a gulp, forcing himself to swallow the strong liquor. Sam watched everyone interacting with each other, noticing small things. How drunk guys would go up to girls, trying to hook up, and they'd get rejected. How every girl in the place was dressed like a hooker but acted surprise when some dude tried to talk to them. And how none of the guys in the place could quite compare to Dean physically.

He took a gulp of his drink. "Nope. Nope, nope, nope." he thought. He finished his drink and asked for another, taking a huge gulp after the bartender put it in front of him. Sam frowned as his head started getting foggy, and he downed the remainder of his drink. He got up and walked, with great trouble due to how drunk he was off of just two drinks, over to the pool table where two guys who looked to be in their early twenties were trying to impress girls by beating people in pool.

"Let me show you how it's done. Both of you against me, winner takes all." He threw a few 20's on the pool table and picked up a pool stick.

"You're wasted, dude." said one of the guys.

"I'll rack, you break." Sam said as he threw the triangle on the table.

\--

It was 9:30 P.M. by the time they finished their last game of pool. Sam had earned a total of $500 off of the other guys, and they were pissed. Sam laughed as he saw their defeated yet angry faces as he walked out of the bar and climbed into the Impala.

When he parked outside Jacen's house, Dean came bounding down the front porch steps and headed to get into the passenger seat. Sam climbed out of the driver's seat and walked around to the passenger side. "You drive."

"What's wrong with you?" Dean asked as he got in the drivers seat and started the car.

"I'm drunk." Sam giggled.

"Of course you are. Well, we're headed to Bobby's. He called while I was with Jacen and asked us to head there."

"Why?"

"Oh, I don't know. Who cares? I miss the old man anyways." Dean stepped on the gas and tore down a back road.

They sat in silence, Sam's thoughts overtaking him. He couldn't help himself looking over at Dean every now and then. Sam was a bipolar, horny drunk, and the latter was threatening to come out soon because of how close Sam was to Dean.

"Shit." Sam whispered to himself, feeling his dick slowly grow in his pants for absolutely no reason.

 

"What?" Dean asked.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." Sam's face was turning red, hands flying down to cover his raging boner.

Dean glanced over at Sam and followed the movement of his hands down at his crotch. Dean laughed, "Sammy, you always were a horny drunk."

Sam looked at Dean with a hunger in his eyes. "Shut the fuck up, Dean."

"Sam-" Dean was cut off as Sam's lips crushed against his. "Stop, Sam-"

Sam bit Dean's lower lip, pulling a moan from deep within Dean's throat. "You still want me to stop?"

"S-Sam, please- Oh fuck!"

Sam's hand slid across Dean's thighs, palming at the growing bulge in Dean's jeans. Dean moaned as he swerved and pulled the car over on the side of the road. He cut the engine and turned, Sam locking his lips on Dean's once again. Their lips moved in unison, tongues sliding against each other. Sam's hands wandered down until they reached Dean's zipper. He tugged it down and his fingers slipped below Dean's waistband of his boxers as Dean's fingers pulled Sam's long brown hair. Sam pulled out Dean's hard dick from his boxers. He tugged on it a few times before licking its length, gently scraping the head with his teeth. Dean groaned as Sam mouthed up and down the shaft, feeling it grow harder with each touch of Sam's lips. Sam's tongue traced the vein on the underside, swirling around the head, dipping into the drop of precome that had already gathered at the slit.

"Shit, Sammy." Dean moaned.

Sam's head bobbed up and down, rolling Dean's balls back and forth in between his fingers. Sam hummed as Dean's tip hit the back of his throat, sending shivers down Dean's spine. He bucked up into Sam's mouth and Sam held down his hips.

"Jesus Christ, Sam." Dean said.

Sam bobbed his head faster, Dean pulling his hair, forcing Sam's mouth to take every inch of him. Sam knew it was almost over when Dean's legs started trembling, sharp moans filling the silence. Sam hollowed his cheeks, sucking hard as Dean filled Sam's mouth. Sam swallowed every drop of Dean's sticky goodness. Dean panted as he came down from his high.

"Holy shit." Dean sighed as he zipped his pants back up and started the car. Sam straightened up and didn't speak, now realizing what just happened. Dean glanced over to where Sam sat silent and he leaned over and kissed Sam on the cheek. "I don't regret it Sammy."

Sam gave Dean a half-smile and looked forward once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** A 'Zombie' is an alcoholic beverage consisted mostly of rum


	4. Chapter 4

\- Sam -

They made it to South Dakota in just under 15 hours, taking into consideration all of the bathroom stops they had to make. It was 1:49 P.M. when they pulled into Bobby's driveway.

"Oh, Bobby! We're home!" Dean yelled as he climbed out of the car.

"Hey boys." Bobby said as he walked out of the door.

Sam smiled and hugged him, "We missed ya, Bobby."

"Yeah, yeah, enough with the lovey-dovey crap. Come on in."

Sam smiled as he looked around. "It's nice to be home." he thought. Bobby had always been like a father to them, especially after their father died. He remembered the times him and Dean would go here when their dad was on a hunt. Bobby would play catch, they'd go deer hunting, it was like a normal family when they were here.

"Are you gonna come in, Sasquatch?" Bobby said, holding the door open for Sam.

"Yeah. I've missed this place." he said, closing the door behind him. He joined Dean at the desk in the library.

"Well maybe if you boys came around more often, you wouldn't miss it so much. Want a beer?"

"Sure." Sam and Dean said in unison.

Dean propped his feet up on the desk, "We meant to come by before now, but we got caught up in some crap."

Bobby returned with three beers, handing one to both Dean and Sam. "Yeah, sure, Dean. Sam's told me about your little lover."

Sam's face turned red and he looked down at his shoes.

"Why'd you have to tell him?" Dean asked, taking a swig of his beer.

"He was ranting about him to me."

"Great. Thanks a lot, Bobby." Sam said, glaring at him, face still red.

At that moment, Dean's phone began to ring. He looked down at the called I.D. and smiled. "I'll be right back." He headed into the kitchen and answered. The thin walls did little to cancel the conversation.

"Hey baby. Yeah I can talk. What's up?"

"Okay, about what?"

There was a moment of silence and then anger entered Dean's voice. "What? What the fuck do you mean 'pregnant'?" There was more silence before Dean spoke again. "Of course you would. Fuck you."

Something smashed against the wall and Dean slammed the back door. Sam didn't hear the Impala start, so he followed him out the door. "Dean?" he called out. He walked towards the salvage yard, pausing when he saw a figure inside the Impala. Recognizing Dean's shirt, Sam slid into the passenger seat. He looked at Dean's shaking figure. "Dean? What happened?"

Dean looked up, eyes red. "He got some bitch pregnant. Jacen did. He cheated on me with her and now he's leaving me for her. He said 'I can't leave this baby without a father'. What the fuck am I gonna do, Sammy? He was my everything and he fucking left! Like every other good thing in my life!"

Sam pulled Dean's head onto his shoulder, running his fingers through his hair.

"Shh, Dean. It'll be alright."

"No it won't." Dean sniffed. "Everyone around me always leaves or dies. I'm such a fuck up!"

Sam held onto Dean tightly as if if he let go, Dean would shatter into a million pieces. Sam always thought of his brother as invincible, but seeing Dean like this, it made Sam realize he was more like him than he thought. "I'm here, Dean. I'm not ever leaving you. Got it? I've got you, I've got you." he said, rocking slowly, trying to calm Dean down.

Sam sat there for what seemed like hours stroking Dean's hair until the sobs subsided. Sam put a finger under Dean's chin and lifted his head until Dean's eyes met his. "You are not a fuck up, Dean Winchester. Do you hear me? Jacen is a fool for giving up a guy like you. You deserve so much more. I'm always here. So is Bobby. We are never leaving."

Dean hugged Sam, "Thank you so much, Sammy." Dean sniffed and breathed in and out slowly before he opened the car door and got out. Sam followed and they walked back up to the house together.


	5. Chapter 5

\- Dean -

A month after the breakup, Dean was practically on his knees begging Sam to agree to use one of Garth's houses that he has tucked away somewhere so they can just get away from everything. "It's got 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, so that's perfect for us. And it's in North Platte, Nebraska. So it's only a few hours away from Bobby and we're just a couple minutes away the Roadhouse." Dean said, enthusiasm filling his voice.

"We can go check it out."

"Really?" Dean grinned at Sam.

"Yeah really. When do you wanna leave?"

"How about now?"

"Okay, lets go." Sam smiled.

It only took them an hour to pack and they were on the road before they could say 'pie'. Dean rolled the windows down and blared AC/DC, getting a death stare from Sam.

"Can you turn it down?" Sam yelled over the music.

"Nope!" Dean turned the music up even louder as "You Shook Me All Night Long" began playing.

"She was a fast machine  
She kept her motor clean  
She was the best damn woman I had ever seen  
She had the sightless eyes  
Telling me no lies  
Knockin' me out with those American thighs  
Taking more than her share  
Had me fighting for air  
She told me to come but I was already there  
'Cause the walls start shaking  
The earth was quaking  
My mind was aching  
And we were making it and you..."

"Come on, Sammy. Sing it with me!" Dean smiled, nudging Sam's arm. Sam shook his head and laughed before joining in on the chorus.

"Shook me all night long  
Yeah you shook me all night long

Working double time  
On the seduction line  
She was one of a kind  
She's just mine all mine..."

They continued to sing all the way to the house in North Platte, laughing uncontrollably after each song and instantly pulling themselves together as the next one started.

Dean was happy. He was driving Baby, he had his brother in the passenger seat, and one of his favorite bands turned all the way up. Life was good.

\--

It took 7 hours to get to the house. Dean had seen pictures, but when he pulled into the driveway of the small, white house, he fell in love with it all over again. They got out of the car and Dean found the key that was hidden under the welcome mat. "Welcome home, Sammy.

The living room and bedrooms had green carpet and throughout the house there were white walls. The living room opened up into a small kitchen with a table in the middle. Off the living room, there was a short hallway with a bathroom at the end. On either side of the hallway was a bedroom. The master bedroom was also off of the living room but on the opposite side of the hallway. There was also a big master bathroom. It was completely furnished. Couch, beds, dressers, kitchen table, chairs, and dishes and cookware. There was a finished basement downstairs, but there was no use for it.

Dean sat on the bed in one of the smaller bedrooms. "So, I was thinking that we could take these two bedrooms and leave the master bedroom for if someone, like Bobby, comes and stays a while. We can get our own bathrooms, though. It's up to you."

Sam sprawled out on the bed beside Dean. "We can share the bathroom. We've gone this long sharing one, we can keep it up."

He smiled, "Okay. I'm hungry, let's find something to eat." Dean grabbed one of Sam's legs and pulled him off the bed.

"Agh!" Dean yelled as Sam wrapped his legs around him and pulled him down. He landed on top of Sam, faces just inches apart. They laid there, looking into each others eyes before Dean kissed Sam on the cheek.

"Last one in the kitchen has to make supper." Dean said, tryingto stand and run but Sam grabbed his ankles causing him to fall. Sam got to his feet and ran to the kitchen.

When Dean entered, Sam had a look of triumph on his face.

"Bitch." he said, reaching for a pan under the stove.

Sam guffawed. "Are you mad that I won?"

"No." Dean frowned.

"Oh, come on, Dean."

Dean ignored him and decided to himself that he was going to cook spaghetti since he lost. He took out the skillet and put a pound of hamburger meat in it and set a pot of water on a burner to boil.

He was stirring the meat so it didn't stick to the skillet when arms wrapped around his waist and lips pressed against the back of his neck.

"Dammit, Sammy. Can I not cook one meal without you trying to feel me up?"

"Nope. You just look so damn sexy while you're cooking." he said, biting Dean's neck softly.

Dean turned around and pressed his lips against Sam's.

"Merry Christmas." he said and then returned to cooking.

"Oh, no you don't." Sam said, spinning Dean around, picking him up and sitting him on the counter.

Dean groaned as Sam's teeth scraped against his collar bone. He wrapped his legs around Sam's waist and pulled him close, bodies rubbing against each other.

"You're being bad, Samuel Winchester." he whispered as he bit Sam's lower lip.

Sam cocked an eyebrow, "Since when did you not like me being bad, Dean Winchester?"

Dean pushed his tongue into Sam's mouth, their tongues danced and their hands roamed, pulling at each others clothing, scratching at exposed skin. Moans rang through the air, breaths hitched as hips bucked.

A strong smell forced its way in between them, making them stop in confusion.

"Fuck!" Dean yelled, remembering the now charred hamburger meat that was still cooking on the stove.

He jumped down off the counter and, after taking one look at the blackened meat, turned off the stove.

"Great." he said, dumping it in the trash. "Well there goes our dinner. What are we gonna eat now?"

"Wanna go get some food at the Roadhouse?"

"Sure."

They climbed into the Impala and took off towards the Roadhouse, stomachs rumbling almost as loud as the Impala's engine.


	6. Chapter 6

\- Dean -

Dean and Sam walked into the Roadhouse and took a seat at the bar.

"Dean! Sam! Long time no see, boys!" Ellen grinned as she walked out of the kitchen in the back.

"Hey, Ellen. We missed ya." Dean said, kissing her cheek.

"Yeah. If you missed me so much, you wouldn't wait fifty years in between visits."

Sam laughed, "It hasn't been quite that long, Ellen. But we'll be around a lot more often now because we're staying just 20 minutes away."

Ellen beamed, "Really? How long are you boys staying'?"

"A couple months." Dean said, sipping on the beer that Ellen's daughter, Jo, had sat in front of him and Sam.

"You boys in need of a job?" Jo asked as she leaned against the bar counter.

Dean raised his eyebrows. "If we can find one. You hiring?"

"We could use the extra hands." Ellen confirmed, nudging Dean's arm.

"That'd be great!"

Just a few minutes later, Jo sat two burgers down on the counter in front of Sam and Dean.

"You know us so well." Dean rubbed his hands together and eyed his burger. His eyes widened in disbelief as he took a bite. "How does a single burger make me so happy?" Everyone laughed as Dean stuffed more and more in his mouth until his mouth couldn't fit another bite. They finished their food and hugged Ellen and Jo as they left.

"Come back tomorrow morning and I'll show you how everything works around here."

"See ya then, Ellen." Dean said as he walked out the door.

\--

Dean was asleep in his bed when he heard a blood curdling scream come from Sam's room. Dean pulled his Beretta* out from under his pillow and ran to Sam's room. Sam was still screaming as Dean tried opening the door to Sam's room, but it was locked. He kicked it in, gun ready to be fired. Sam was thrashing in his bed, sweat covering his body in a fine sheen and screaming. Dean pinned Sam's arms to the bed, shaking him to wake him up."Sam! Wake up! Wake up, Sammy!"

Sam's eyes flew open, searching the darkness until the settled on Dean's eyes. "Sammy, it's me. I've got you." Dean said, cradling him in his arms.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Sammy."

"I'm sorry. I-I-I was having another nightmare about m-mom."

"It's okay, Sammy. I'm here now."

But it wasn't okay, and Dean knew it. Every time Sam had nightmares about their mom, it was as if it was a warning that something bad was about to happen. The very first time he had the nightmare, that Dean could remember, they were looking in to a demonic possession case when they were attacked by more than 10 demons. They barely made it out alive. And the most recent time that he had the nightmare, their dad made a deal with Azazel and died. Dean was scared, but he didn't let Sam see that.

"Dean." Sam whispered, "Can I sleep in your room tonight? I don't want the nightmares to come back."

"Of course, Sammy." Dean pulled Sam to his feet and led him into his room, tucking them both under the covers.

"Goodnight." he said, kissing Sam's forehead.

"'Night." Sam mumbled, eyelids drooping.

Dean fell asleep thinking about what could possibly go wrong in these next few weeks. And honestly, the possibilities were endless.

\--

It was only 6:34 A.M. when Dean woke up suddenly, realizing how cold he was. He looked over and saw Sam laying beside him, blankets wrapped around him like he was a human burrito.

"Bitch." he said as he yanked on the blankets, causing them all to come off of Sam's body.

"What the fuck!" Sam yelled, hands flying to cover his crotch.

Dean snickered as he realized what he saw, "Nice morning wood, Sammy."

"Fuck off, Dean."

Dean had Sam pinned to the mattress in half a second, hips digging into his hard on.

"Come on, Sam. Don't be rude." he hissed as he rolled his hips into Sam's. Sam tilted his head back in a low moan, giving Dean a direct path to biting his neck.

"F-f-fuck." Sam said.

Dean kissed him forcefully and slid his hand down his bare chest, nails scraping at the exposed skin on his hip bones. Dean kissed down Sam's chest and hips, taking the waistband of his boxers in his teeth and pulling them off. Sam helped him out of his own clothes, tossing them aside on the floor. Dean crawled in between Sam's legs, softly biting his inner thigh, sending sparks through Sam's body. Dean kissed up to Sam's mouth and gently tugged on his bottom lip as he thrust against him. "I'm going to memorize every inch of your body." Dean said, positioning himself to where he was sitting in between Sam's legs.

Sam watched Dean intently as he ran his fingers all over his body. Dean's fingers trailed through Sam's thick, brown hair, over his thick eyebrows, his long eyelashes, the curve of his jaw, the plumpness of his lips, the hollow of his neck. His fingers traced along his biceps, down his forearms, across his chest, over each ridge of his abdomen, his belly button, the hair leading downwards, the sharp jut of Sam's hip bone. They slid effortlessly over his length, down his inner thigh, all the way to his ankles. Dean memorized every bit of Sam's body. Every crease, every bump, every scar.

"You're beautiful." he whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

\- Sam -

The work at the Roadhouse wasn't that difficult. It only took them 3 hours to get everything down. It did seem to help a lot that both Sam and Dean knew a lot more than the average person about different kinds of alcohol and how many ounces goes into different drinks.

"You boys will fit in here pretty well." Ellen said after she finished going over the drink prices and where everything was behind the bar.

"Thanks again, Ellen. For everything." Sam said, hugging her close.

"Welcome. Now get to work. It's about to be Happy Hour and we get a big crowd, especially since it's a Friday night."

Sam grabbed a black apron and tied it around his waist as the first of many customers came in. He put on his best smile and walked over to the two girls sitting at a table in the back.

"Hey, my name's Sam. What can I get you ladies to drink?"

"Sam? I've never seen you here before." the brown-haired girl said.

"Yeah, I'm new. Just started today."

The other girl smiled and batted her eyelashes. "Oh that's cool. We'll take two beers, handsome. And two burgers."

"Coming right up." Sam smiled and walked away, blowing out a puff of air.

After he had gotten the girls their drinks and food, Sam went over to where Dean was standing behind the bar.

"How's it going, Sammy?" Dean asked as he wiped off the counter top.

"Good. Those girls are kind of creepy, though." he nodded his head over to where the girls were sitting. Dean glared at them and Sam laughed. "Are you jealous, Dean?"

"No." Dean said, returning his attention to cleaning the countertop.

Sam walked around to behind the counter and stood beside Dean. He pulled Dean to face him and planted a kiss on his lips.

Someone cleared their throat behind them.

Sam pulled away and his eyes widened in horror.

"Sam, it's your break. Dean, cover Sam. Jo can cover you." Ellen said.

Sam turned around and headed towards the back, too embarrassed to say anything. He headed out the back door and sat at a picnic table, his back facing the building. He heard the door open and close but did not turn, afraid of who it would be.

"Sam." Ellen said, appearing in front of Sam. She sat down across from him. "What was that in there?"

"It was nothing."

"Bullshit, Sam. It was something. I see the way you boys look at each other."

Sam dropped his head, ashamed. "I love him, Ellen. Too much and not just as a brother."

"I'm not judging you. If you two are happy, then more power to you. It just can't affect work."

Sam looked up at Ellen with tears in his eyes. "You don't hate us?"

Ellen laughed, "No I don't hate you! Love is love and you boys are my family. There's nothing you could do to make me not love you."

Sam grinned, "Thank you for understanding."

"Now get your ass back in there so Dean can get back to the bar. Jo knows nothing about alcohol." Ellen laughed. They both stood and returned to work.

\--

It had been a long night. Sam was losing the fight with his drooping eyelids as they walked through their front door. Sam walked straight back to Dean's room and collapsed on the bed, not even bothering to take off his shoes.

"What are you doing, Sammy?" Dean asked as he walked in the room.

"I'm too tired to get to my own bed." he muttered.

"It's literally 20 steps away." Dean took off his shirt and jeans and climbed under the covers.

"Don't care."

"Fine. But I swear if you take all of the covers one more time I'm duct taping you to the wall."Sam laughed a tired laugh and stood, taking his shirt and jeans off.

"Deal." he sighed as he curled up under the covers.


	8. Chapter 8

\- Sam -

\-- TWO MONTHS LATER--

"Hey, Ellen." Sam smiled as he and Dean walked into the Roadhouse.

"Hey boys." Ellen said as she headed back into the kitchen.

Dean got behind the bar and began to clean glasses as Sam started to wipe off all of the tables.

The door to the Roadhouse opened and Sam heard Dean drop a glass. It shattered against the floor and Sam quickly looked up at Dean. Dean was white as a sheet, frozen in place and looking towards the door. Sam followed his gaze to the door and his eyes fell upon a tall, muscular, dark-haired man.

That. Bitch.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Sam yelled, stalking over to where Jacen stood.

"I need to talk to Dean." Jacen said.

Sam shoved Jacen towards the door. "Get the fuck out of here. Now!"

"No. Dean-" Jacen called out, "Dean I need to talk to you. Please."

Dean came out from behind the bar and grabbed hold of Sam's arm. "Sammy, it's okay."

Sam pulled his arm away from Dean and strode over to the bar where Ellen now stood. Jacen and Dean took a seat at the table closest to the door.

"Who's that?" Ellen asked.

"Jacen. Dean's ex-boyfriend. The one who was a dick and dumped him for some chick he cheated on Dean with and got her pregnant." Sam spat, venom in his words.

"What a bitch." Ellen said.

Dean was raising his voice at Jacen. "Just get to the point, Jacen. Why are you here?"

"Me and Aubree aren't together anymore."

"Why do I care?" Dean asked, obviously pissed.

"Because it was all a lie, Dean. She lied to me. The baby isn't mine. It's some other dudes. She knew I would want to be there for the baby and the other guy wouldn't be so she decided to tell me it was mine."

"How'd you find out?" Dean's voice was much more calm than it previously was. His eyes softer. Dean's hand reached out and he placed it on the hand Jacen had sitting on the table.

Fire was igniting inside Sam when Dean reached out for Jacen's hand. His eyes narrowed as the skin came in contact. That was HIS hand to hold. No one else's, ESPECIALLY not Jacen.

"We were fighting and she accidentally let it slip."

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't come here to get pity from you. I came here to tell you that I still love you. I realize how fucked up it was to leave you like that. I realize how much I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I just- God- I just want you back, Dean. No one has ever made me as happy as you have made me. Give me another chance."

Tears were staining Jacen's cheek and it made Sam want to vomit. His hands were clenched, he was ready to kill him.

"Jacen, I-I don't know-"

"Don't tell me no, Dean. Say you'll be mine again. Please."

Dean looked at the table and closed his eyes, not reopening them for a while.

"Stuff has changed. A lot has." Dean breathed, glancing at Sam.

"I know. But I want to be your future."

Sam was ready. He was ready for Dean to tell Jacen that he was with Sam now. Sam was ready to get disgusted looks from Jacen. He was ready. But what Sam heard next broke his heart.

"I miss you, Jacen. You have one more chance."

A single tear fell from Sam's cheek as his heart dropped into his stomach. His soul was ripped apart. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He ran out of the back door and ran in the direction of the house. He heard Ellen yelling his name behind him, but he ran faster, distancing himself from the bullshit that he just witnessed.

Sam reached the house and slammed the door as he went inside. He went to his room and closed the door as he collapsed on the floor. Sam couldn't breathe. Sobs tore through his body. "Fuck!" he screamed out, slamming his head back into the door as tears kept flowing. He punched and kicked the wall, screaming until his voice gave. Throat throbbing and knuckles bleeding, he lay in the floor, waiting and praying for death to overtake him. But it never did.


	9. Chapter 9

\- Dean -

Dean drove home from the Roadhouse, dreading getting home the entire way there.

"Sam?" he called as he opened the front door. "Sammy! Where are you?" Dean walked back to his room and noticed that Sam's door was closed. He knocked lightly, "Sammy? You in here?" He opened the door to find Sam laying on the floor, knuckles busted open.

"Go the fuck away, Dean." Sam said as he sat up.

"Why are you bleeding?" Dean asked, grabbing Sam's hand to take a better look at it but Sam pulled his hand back.

"Why the fuck do you care?"

"You're my brother. Why wouldn't I care?"

Sam walked to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of Jager and taking a swig. He poured some of the alcohol over the cuts on his hand and winced, bringing the bottle back up to his lips for another gulp. "You care more about that prick back there than you do me."

Dean followed him into the kitchen. "Let me explain, Sam."

Sam took another drink and yelled, "Explain what? That you're leaving me? Fuck you, Dean!"

"Sammy, I'm sorry. I love him. I-"

Sam put his hand up, "I don't give a shit."

Dean walked back to his bedroom and started throwing clothes into a bag. "He's waiting outside for me." Dean yelled up to Sam, who was now sitting in the living room.

"Good for him."

Dean emerged from the hallway with his bag in hand. "I'm going with him to Kansas."

"Do you honestly think I give a fuck anymore? After you said that you'd give him another chance, I was done."

Dean grabbed the Jager bottle out of Sam's hand and threw it against the wall. "Stop acting like I'm the bad guy! Why don't you actually act like you care about me! That you care that I'm leaving!"

"I AM? I'M THE ONE ACTING LIKE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU? DEAN, YOU'RE THE ONE LEAVING! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO IS STEPPING FOOT OUT THAT FUCKING DOOR. I NEVER GAVE UP, YOU DID. FOR SOME PIECE OF SHIT GUY WHO BROKE YOUR HEART. I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS THERE WHEN HE WASN'T. I PICKED YOU UP WHEN YOU COULDN'T STAND ANYMORE. WHERE WAS HE? OUT WITH SOME OTHER GIRL BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HER BABY WAS HIS. HE LEFT YOU IN THE DIRT, DEAN. AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO CRAWL THROUGH IT ONCE MORE GOING BACK TO HIM!" Sam's face was blood red.

"Fuck you. I cared about you, Sammy." Dean said as he breathed deeply.

"You walk out that door, don't you ever come back." Sam spat.

Pain reflected in Dean's eyes. He picked up his bag and slammed the door behind him.

"Everything okay?" Jacen asked as Dean slid in the passenger seat.

Dean sniffed, trying to hold back the tears. "Yes."

The taillights of Jacen's car disappeared into the darkness, Dean's home growing smaller in the rear view mirror.


	10. Chapter 10

\- Dean -

After 6 hours, Dean and Jacen finally arrived at Jacen's apartment in Topeka, Kansas. It was a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment. Plain white walls, cream colored carpet. Everything in the place was fancy, something Dean was not accustomed to being as that he grew up in run down motel rooms.

Dean's eyes wandered and he huffed, "Damn. Nice place."

"Thanks." Jacen said, throwing his keys on a table in the living room.

Dean sat on the black, leather couch, feeling completely out of place. "So when did you get this apartment?"

"Eh, about a month after we broke up. I moved out here after I got a job here."

"Oh." Dean trailed off as he looked around the bland room.

"Well it's getting pretty late and I know you must be tired, so I'll be sleeping on the couch and you can have the bed in the bedroom." Jacen said as he pulled a blanket and pillow out of the closet in the bathroom.

"You sure? I'll be fine to sleep on the couch."

"No, no. I'm fine here. You go get some rest. Call if you need anything."

Dean walked into the bedroom and turned on the light. It was just like the rest of the house. Bare walls and minimal very nice furniture. Dean closed the door behind him and stripped down to his boxers. He climbed between the sheets and was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.  
\--

Dean started drinking again. It had only been a week since he left, but the regret from leaving Sam in the way he did was eating away at him. Dean and Jacen started fighting constantly because of the drinking. Dean was always drunk, and it pissed Jacen off.

"What the fuck do you want from me?" Dean yelled at Jacen after he made a smart remark about him drinking.

"I want you to be sober when you're around me! I'm getting so fucking tired of having to deal with your drunk ass every time I come home from work!"

"Ha! Fine! Then you don't have to deal with me anymore. Have a great life!" Dean stormed out the door and started walking down the street. He had no idea where he was going, but he didn't care.

"Dean!" he heard Jacen call from behind him.

He walked faster, turning down a street he didn't know the name of.

"Dean, wait!" footsteps were approaching fast. He whipped around.

"What?" he yelled at Jacen.

"Babe, I'm sorry." Jacen stepped closer and Dean backed away.

"No."

"Just come home, Dean."

"Why? So you can yell at me some more for me trying to get over the shit in my head? No!" Dean turned and started walking away again.

"Dammit, Dean! Stop!"

"WHAT? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HEAD, JACEN. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO JUST WALK AWAY FROM MY BROTHER LIKE THAT. YOU DON'T GET IT." Dean sat on the curb and put his head in his hands. It felt as if his world was crashing down around him, like no one understood exactly what he was going through.

Jacen sat beside him and pulled him close. "Baby, I'm here for you. If you want to talk about it, then I'm here to listen. I'm sorry for going off, I just want to spend a lot of time with you but when you're drunk, it's like you don't even want to be around me."

"I'm sorry. This shit will pass eventually."  
Dean stood and headed back home, hand in hand with Jacen.


	11. Chapter 11

\- Sam -

Sam was drunk. Very drunk. He downed an entire bottle of Jack Daniels in less than an hour and followed that with a bottle of Jager. There was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Sam yelled, not moving from his spot on the couch.

"It's Ellen. Open the door."

Sam sighed and stood, bottle still in hand as he stumbled to open the door.

"Sit down, we need to talk." Ellen said, letting herself into the house. Sam walked (more like dragged himself) back to the living room and sat on the couch, waiting for Ellen to explain why she was here.

Elen glared at the bottle in Sam's hands. "Give me the bottle."

Sam took another gulp and held the alcohol close to his chest, refusing to give it up. Ellen wrenched it from his grasp and walked to the kitchen, pouring the remaining alcohol down the drain.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sam yelled, jumping up off the couch, but it was too late to save his precious drink.

"I'm doing this for your own good, Sam! I understand you're having a hard time, but it's not like you to be drunk all of the time! And it sure as Hell isn't like you to show up to work drunk as a skunk. This has got to stop."

"You don’t understand, Ellen. He was the only one I wanted. He's my brother for crying out loud! And he left me for some piece of shit. I'll never forgive him for this!"

Ellen dropped to her knees in front of Sam and put her hand on his shoulder. "Honey, it'll be okay."

"No, I don’t think it will. He doesn’t love me. How am I supposed to keep living knowing that the person I love doesn’t love me?" He looked up and met Ellen's gaze, his eyes blurred by tears and booze.

"He'll come back, Sam. Nothing keeps you boys apart, not even something like this." Ellen rubbed Sam's arm, trying to calm him.

"I hope so." Sam's voice broke.

"It will. Now, get in bed, I'll stay here until you fall asleep." Ellen helped Sam up and led him down the hall to his room.

"No, I'll be fine. I just needed to talk to someone about it."

"You sure?"

"Yes. Go home, I'll be okay."

Ellen hugged Sam and walked out the door. Sam went to Dean's room and sat on the edge of the bed, phone in hand, dialing Dean's number. It went straight to voicemail.

"Dean? Hey, it's Sam. Uhm, I just wanted to hear your voice," he paused, "I'm having a really hard time coping with all this. I can't really do anything anymore because it all seems to remind me of you. It hurts, Dean. What you did hurts real bad. But, I guess if you cared you'd still be here. So, uh, you know where to find me if you ever want to come back."

Sam paused. His voice broke at his last four words. "I love you, Dean." He hung up and threw his phone against the wall. It's not fair. That should be him with Dean right now. He should be the one kissing him. Not Jacen.

He fell asleep past midnight with the radio blaring.

"I've been led on  
To think that we've been  
Trying for too long.  
Every time we drift  
We're forcing what is wrong.At last that voice is gone.

Please take your time  
But you’ve got to know that  
I am taking sight.  
Oh, you look good with  
Your patient face and wandering eye  
Don’t hold this war inside.

Come back when you can.  
Let go, you'll understand.  
You’ve done nothing at all to make me love you less.  
So come back when you can.  
You left your home  
You're so far from everything you know  
Your big dream is crashing down  
And out your door  
Wake up and dream once more.

Come back when you can.  
Let go, you'll understand.  
You've done nothing at all to make me love you less.  
So come back when you can.  
Come back, I'll help you stand.  
Let go and hold my hand.  
If all you wanted was me, I'll give you nothing less.  
So come back when you can." **

\--

Sam woke up to the sound of wailing sirens and a roaring outside his window. He shot up out of bed and ran towards the basement. He was at the basement door when it hit. The sound of twisting metal, splintering wood, and glass shattering filled the air. The house collapsed around him in a low groan, burying him under a pile of rubble. His screams of agony were lost in the howling wind. As quickly as the tornado came, it had gone. Black seeped into his vision.

"Dean." he whispered as he fell into blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Come Back When You Can // Barcelona


	12. Chapter 12

\- Dean -

Dean was watching the eight o'clock news when "Breaking News" suddenly flashed across the screen.

"Breaking News. An F3 tornado hit central Nebraska early this morning leaving hundred without homes and even more injured."

The news anchor handed it over to a woman reporting live. She was standing in front of what used to be a neighborhood, and now it was just piles of wood and debris. Families were sorting through the piles in the background. "I'm reporting live from North Platte where it seemed the tornado caused the most damage."

Dean sat up straight and turned the volume up, suddenly interested in what the woman was saying.

"What's going on, baby?" Jacen asked as he entered the room.

"Shh!" Dean held up his hand.

The woman continued, "People here had little warning due to faulty tornado sirens in the town square. Most houses were left with severe damage, if not completely destroyed, and a few very lucky neighborhoods were left untouched. The Red Cross has opened up a shelter at Berean Church on West 8th Street for anyone who is in need of a meal, comfort kits, relief items, overnight stays, and also health services."

"Sammy." Dean whispered, suddenly remembering that Sam was in North Platte. He grabbed his phone to call Sam when he noticed he had a new voicemail from the previous night.

"Dean? Hey, it's Sam. Uhm, I just wanted to hear your voice," he paused, "I'm having a really hard time coping with all this. I can't really do anything anymore because it all seems to remind me of you. It hurts, Dean. What you did hurts real bad. But, I guess if you cared you'd still be here. So, uh, you know where to find me if you ever want to come back." There was a pause and then Dean heard Sam's strained whisper, "I love you, Dean."

Dean's hands were shaking as he frantically dialed Sam's number. It went to voicemail. He tried four more times until he gave up after it went to voicemail once again. "Dammit, Sammy!" he yelled as he jumped up off the couch.

"What's wrong?" Jacen asked, following Dean down the hallway to the bedroom.

"Sammy. I have to go to him, he might be hurt." Dean pulled a duffel bag out from under the bed and started throwing clothes in it.

"What are you talking about?"

"There was a tornado that hit North Platte. Sam is there and he's alone. I have to go to him, Jacen. I have to."

"Then I'm going, too." Jacen pulled another bag out from under the bed and started getting clothes.

"No, Jacen. You can't." Dean said.

Jacen stopped and turned to look at Dean, "Excuse me?"

"You can't come. It'll make matters worse." Dean zipped his bag and walked to the front door.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Jacen yelled.

Dean turned, pain in his eyes. "Do you know how much I hurt Sam coming here with you? I left him for you. I left my brother alone. If I hadn't have left, he wouldn’t have had to be there alone when the tornado hit. He could be dead, Jacen. And I can't live with myself if I don't go and at least check on him. And he would never forgive me if I brought you along."

"I don’t give a fuck what he wants. You're not leaving without me, Dean!"

Dean shook his head, backing out the door. "I shouldn’t have come here in the first place."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I left my heart back in North Platte. With Sammy. I don’t know why it took me this long to admit it to myself, but he is the one I want to be with, Jacen."

Jacen was shocked. "Your brother?"

"Yes."

Jacen snorted in disgust. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I knew something was going on between you and him. The way you both were so protective over each other, it was fucking sick!"

Dean was shaking with rage. All it would take was one more remark about Sam and Dean would be on top of Jacen in a heartbeat, beating the shit out of him. No one talks about Sam like that. No one.

"Go on! Get out of here, faggot! You're such a fuck up! Can't find love besides your dumb ass little brother. You are nothing, Dean Winchester. You’re a failure!"

Dean shoved Jacen into the wall and punched him in the jaw. "Say something about my brother one more time, and I will end you." Dean's eye were daring.

Jacen spit in Dean's face, "Get the fuck out of my apartment."

Dean's fist made a satisfying crunch as it connected with Jacen's nose. "Gladly." he hissed as he picked up his bag and walked out the door. He was walking down the street to a bus stop when he saw a 1962 Mercury Monterey in a parking lot. He tried the doors, and because they were unlocked, climbed in the drivers seat. He found the keys in the glove box, started the engine, and took off towards North Platte. On the way he dialed Ellen's number.

"Hello?"

"Ellen? Oh, thank God. It's Dean. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, me and Jo are good. Tornado missed the Roadhouse."

"Good. I'm on my way to Nebraska. Listen, have you heard from Sammy? I tried calling and he won't answer his phone."

"Dean-" Ellen started, sorrow echoing in her voice.

"No. Don't you dare tell me anything other than he's alright." he gripped the steering wheel tight, knuckles turning white.

"Dean, he's hurt pretty bad. I'm here with him at Great Plains Regional Medical Center. Come quick."

"I'll be there as quick as I can."

"Drive safe."

Dean hung up and stepped on the gas. Sam was hurt and needed him. He wasn’t going to fail him again.

\--

Six nerve wracking hours later, Dean pulled into the parking lot. He ran into the waiting room and found Ellen. "How is he, Ellen?" he asked.

"I don't know. He's in surgery right now."

Dean was shaking. "How'd you know he was here?"

"After the tornado hit, I called him multiple times to make sure he was okay. I was just there not even 3 hours before it hit, but he wouldn't answer his phone so I called 911 and they sent paramedics. I got there as they were pulling him out on a stretcher. He was unconscious."

"Dammit." Dean mumbled and closed his eyes. He imagined Sam's body, cold and lifeless. Dean wouldn't be able to live with himself if Sam died. It was his job to protect him, and he let him get hurt.

"Dean."

"This is all my fault." his voice shook.

"No it's not, Dean. No matter if you were here or not, you couldn't have stopped this tornado from happening."

They sat there in silence. Dean started praying for the first time in a very long time. Praying for Sam to live, for him to forgive him for everything he did. Dean wouldn’t just lose his brother, he'd lose himself as well.


	13. Chapter 13

\- Dean -

Dean stood as a doctor approached them, "I'm Dean Winchester, Sam's brother, is he okay?"

The doctor shook his hand, "I'm Dr. Smith. Please sit, Mr. Winchester."

Dean sat and grabbed hold of Ellen's hand.

"Mr. Winchester, I'm assuming you know very little of what has happened to your brother, so I will start from the beginning. Paramedics found Sam underneath a fallen wall at his home. He was unconscious and rushed here. He suffered a severe spinal cord injury due to the fallen wall. He had to undergo surgery to insert rods on either side of his spinal cord."

The doctor sighed before he continued, "Sam is a L1/2 Paraplegic. This means that he is paralyzed from the waist down due to an injury in the Lumbar region of the spine. The paralysis is permanent. He is looking towards many months of physical therapy and being confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. As time passes, we will determine whether or not his case of Paraplegia is complete or incomplete. Complete means he does not have any feeling or movement of the limbs, and incomplete means that he has some feeling and no movement or vise versa."

"Oh God." Dean's voice was thick with sadness. Ellen gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I know this is a lot to take in at once. But I assure you he is under the best care here. As of right now, he is able to breathe on his own and his vitals are good. This is a very good sign, Mr. Winchester."

Dean nodded, sniffing, "When can we see him?"

"You may see him now. He is asleep, though."

Dean and Ellen followed him down a maze of hallways until they reached a room marked "Samuel Winchester" underneath the room number. When they walked in, Dean sucked in a breath of air and stumbled to the side of the bed in shock. Sam had wires attached to him all over his body. There were cuts and bruises all over his face and arms. Dean took one of Sam's hands in his own. "Oh God, Sammy. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I let this happen to you."

Ellen sat on the opposite side of the bed and grabbed his other hand. She sat quietly as Dean sobbed, apologizing to Sam over and over.

They sat like that for the rest of the night, not daring to move or even breathe too heavily, fearful that they would somehow make Sam's condition worse. Dean fell asleep to the steady beep of the heart monitor.

\--

At midnight, a strained voice broke the constant beeping noise. "Dean?"

Dean's eyes flew open. He sat up and saw that Sam was awake. "Sammy? How are you doing?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I came as soon as I heard. What all do you remember?" Dean asked.

Sam's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know."

"I'm so sorry." Dean said.

"What's wrong with me?"

"You're hurt real bad, Sammy. Hold on a second."

Dean called in Dr. Smith so he could explain to Sam everything that happened and to let him know exactly what he's looking forward to in the next few months. He tried to stay strong while the doctor was repeating everything to Sam, but the tears that were running down his brothers face broke his heart. He let his own sorrow pour out of his eyes.

"I'm here for you, Sammy. I will be here through all of this. I will take care of you." Dean said after the doctor left the room.

Ellen excused herself, "I'm gonna go call Bobby and tell him to get here."

"Sammy, I'm so sorry. I screwed up. I swore I'd protect you and I didn't. I was so stupid. I need you, man. And I won't ever let you down again."

"I love you, Dean." Sam whispered.

"I know, Sammy. Now get some sleep. You look horrible." Dean teased.

"You don't look too hot yourself, jerk.

Dean smiled and turned when he heard Ellen return. "Is he on his way?"

"'Course he is. You boys are basically his kin."

Dean nodded and settled back in his chair, noticing Sam was already fast asleep again, he let his own eyelids close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I am in no way a medical doctor, but I did do some extensive research about what it means to be an L1/2 Paraplegic, so I was as accurate as I could be with everything that has been/will be mentioned about it. If you know anything about it that I may have gotten wrong, please inform me.


	14. Chapter 14

\- Sam -

Sam woke up to the sound of Dean's snores. He smiled and looked over to his brother sleeping peacefully in the chair. His head was tilted slightly back and there was drool making its way down his chin. He chuckled quietly at the sight and then a brilliant, cruel idea popped in his head.

He reached over to where Ellen's head was resting on the side of his bed and he shook her awake. Her eyes flew opened but he put a finger to his lips and pointed to where Dean was sound asleep.

He whispered, "On the count of three, I want you to scream as loud as you possibly can. Who gives a shit if it pisses anyone off. I wanna scare the crap out of him." He smiled a devilish grin and she nodded.

"One." she whispered.

"Two." Sam winked.

"Three."

Their piercing screams filled the quiet room. The sound quickly turned into laughter at Dean's reaction.

"What? What! What happened?" Dean yelled, scrambling and falling out of his chair.

Sam and Ellen laughed until the couldn't laugh anymore, and then they took one look at Dean's pissed off and confused expression from the floor, and they began laughing again.

"What the fuck?" Dean said, picking himself up off the floor and wiping the drool from his face.

Dr. Smith flew into the room, "Is everyone okay?"

"Everyone is fine, sir." Sam said, suppressing his laughter.

"O-okay. Well, if you need anything, please press the button." he said as he exited the room.

"Bitch." Dean said as he glared at both Sam and Ellen.

"Jerk." Sam smiled.

Ellen stood, "Well, thank you, Dean, for the laugh, but if y'all don't mind, I really need to get home and check on Jo. Make sure she's doing alright."

"Of course, Ellen." Sam said smiling.

"Love you boys. Behave."

"You're such a bitch." Dean said as he rubbed the shoulder that had hit the floor.

"Oh, come on, that was great!" Sam exclaimed.

"Yeah, maybe for you. But I'd rather not wake up thinking something happened to my baby brother."

"I'm fine, Dean, honestly. I needed that laugh. You should have seen your face! Priceless."

Dean scowled and crossed his arms. Sam sighed and looked at the ceiling as his mind started to race. He was still having a hard time remembering and processing what exactly had happened to him. He needed answers.

"Dean?" he muttered.

"What?"

Sam sighed again before continuing, "I need answers."

He looked over at Dean and met his eyes. They were softer now.

"About what, Sammy?"

"Everything. I think I remember some things that happened, but I don't know."

"Okay, then ask yes or no questions and I'll answer. If you want me to elaborate on anything, I will."

"Alright. Uhm, my house was hit by a tornado."

"Yes." Dean said.

"The house collapsed on me."

"Yes."

"I'm now paralyzed because the house fell on me."

"Yeah."

"Elaborate."

Dean leaned forward towards Sam. "They found you under a fallen wall. You had rods put in your back to keep it stabilized, and you are a L1/2 Paraplegic. You will not walk again."

Sam closed his eyes and breathed slowly. "There's no chance I'll be able to walk again?"

"No, Sammy."

Sam remained quiet for a long time before continuing asking questions. "You knew I was here how?"

"It was all over the news, the tornado. How the sirens failed. I remembered you were still here in North Platte and I came immediately after you didn't answer your phone. I called Ellen on the way and she told me you were in the hospital."

"Is Jacen here?" Sam asked quietly.

"No. He is not."

"Why not?"

"I knew you wouldn't want him here. We broke up, Sam."

"Am I the reason?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You're more important to me."

Sam blinked at Dean and then looked at the ceiling. He was more important. Dean chose HIM. Dean CAME and left him. 

The room was bathed in silence until Sam suddenly asked, "Why did you leave?"

Dean looked up from the floor with pained eyes, "I thought I loved him."

"And?"

"And it turns out I didn't. It took me too damn long to realize, but after the crap he pulled, he had already lost me for good."

"Are you over him?" Sam asked.

"Yes. He will never be part of my life ever again."

Sam laid there and that phrase went through his mind many times. Dean was done with Jacen. For good. And it's about damn time. Jacen was never good for Dean, but Sam just wanted him happy.

\--

Two hours later, the door opened and Bobby walked in.

"It's so good to see you, boys!" he exclaimed as he hugged Dean and patted Sam's shoulder.

"We've missed you, Bobby." Sam smiled.

"I've missed you, too. I've got to say, this isn't exactly the way I wanted to see you next. But it'll do." Bobby sat in the unoccupied chair and looked at Sam with concerned eyes. "Ellen said you were in that huge tornado. What all is wrong?"

Sam sighed, "Well, I can't feel or move anything below my waist. The doctor said it's called L1 & L2 Paraplegia. I've got rods on each side of my spine, and the paralysis is permanent. I'll be in a wheelchair the rest of my life."

Bobby shook his head in disbelief, "Damn it, son. How are you holding up? Knowing that?"

 

"I was pretty much in denial at first. But I've started to come to accept it. I refuse to be one of those patients who sit there all day feeling sorry for themselves."

"Well, who's gonna take care of you? I mean, you can't do everything by yourself now. Why don't you come live with me? I mean, I've got the space and I can handle you."

"He'll live with me." Dean said.

Both Sam and Bobby stared at him.

"What?" Sam asked.

"I can take care of you. We can stay with Ellen for a while until we get enough money to get an apartment or something. It'll work out."

"And how are you going to juggle helping him and having a job?" Bobby asked.

Dean shrugged, "I'll work it out. But he's not going with anyone else. I'm sorry, Bobby, but he's my brother."

"And last time I checked, you left your brother for some low-life asshole." Bobby snapped.

Dean's face turned red as he stood up and stormed out of the room.

"Bobby, don't." Sam pleaded. He couldn't lose his brother again.

"I'm sorry, Sam, but it's the truth!"

"I know, but it's fine. He's here now and that's all that matters. They aren't together anymore. They're done. I want him to take care of me. It'll be so much easier and, no offense, but you're getting old. If I were to fall out of my wheelchair or something, you wouldn't be able to lift me back up."

Bobby seemed to think on that statement a while before he nodded, "Fine. But if anything happens, you're staying with me. Now I should probably go find that idjit and apologize."

Sam nodded and Bobby walked out of the door. Sam pressed the call button on the side of the bed and told the nurse that he was hungry. She quickly brought him in some food and minutes after he began eating, Dean strolled back in and sat down.

"Sam, listen. I'm here for good, okay? I need you and you need me. We're the perfect team and I want it to stay like that. I know it'll take some time for you to forgive me for what I've done, but I will go to the edge of the Earth to prove how sorry I am. We'll make this work."

Sam stared into Dean's beautiful green eyes.

"Dean, I forgave you the second I saw you were here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really long chapter, not sorry! So much needed to happen.  
> (For anyone just joining, I AM in the process of editing, so it may be a bit confusing while I finish it. It will be done as soon as possible, though.)  
> Sorry for any inconvenience! ALSO, we're going to pretend there's no such thing as medical bills! Yay!:)


	15. Chapter 15

\- Sam -

Fire was catching. The heat was unbearable. Flames licked across the floor, closer and closer.

"Sammy!"

Sam looked up and saw his mom standing just a few feet away from him. She was screaming.

"Mom?" he whispered.

Her mouth was moving, but it was not her voice that was screaming his name. Loud beeping filled his ears as the fire swallowed him. His screams were lost in the roar.

"Sammy!"

His eyes fluttered open, focusing on Dean's face above him. His hospital gown was drenched in sweat.

"Dean?"

"Are you okay?"

"I think so."

Dean sat back down in his chair, "Was it another dream about mom?"

Sam nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat. Why did he have the urge to cry?

"Well, just stay awake for now, okay? Bobby should be back soon. He went to pick up Ellen and Jo from the Roadhouse."

"Dean, I'm scared." Sam whispered.

"Why?"

"Because every time I have this dream, something bad happens. I don’t know how much more bad I can take."Dean took Sam's hand and squeezed it, "Sammy, I promise you, I won't let anything else bad happen to you. Okay? I'm going to take care of you."

"Sorry."

"You've got nothing to be sorry about."

They sat there in silence until Dean spoke again, "I will warn you, though. In a couple days, I've got to start going back to work. I'll be back during the night, though. I'm just waiting until I'm sure you're stable and then I'm gonna start going back. Someone's got to pay these damn expensive medical bills."

"Alright, Dean."

Dean beamed. "Alright. Now let me get the nurse to bring you some food. You must be starving."

Now that Dean mentioned it, Sam's stomach began to growl. Dean pressed the call button on the side of the button and told the nurse that Sam needed something to eat and within minutes, the nurse walked in carrying a tray filled with food.

"Is there anything else you need, honey?" she asked as she sat down the tray.

"No ma'am." Sam replied, mouth watering at the abundance of food.

The plate consisted of a great amount of vegetables, chicken, and rice. There was a little bowl of red Jell-O on the side, and a bottle of water.

Dean stared at the plate and Sam shot him a look. "Don't even think about it." he said.

Dean frowned, "Please, Sammy? Just a bite?" 

"No! That bite will turn into all of it and I'm starving here. I hear they have some great food in the vending machines, though." 

Dean sighed and fought back a small smile as he left the room.


	16. Chapter 16

\- Dean -

\-- THREE MONTHS LATER --

"I'll be right back, Sammy. I've got to do something real quick."

It was the night before Sam is released from the hospital and Dean had to triple check that everything at the house was all set. He had renovated some of the house to better accommodate Sam's wheelchair. He took off some of the front porch railing so he could put a concrete ramp beside the porch steps, widened the doorways to every room so that the wheelchair could enter at any angle, both bathtubs were converted to stall showers, grab bars and shower transfer seats included, and lowered counters in the kitchen. It was a lot of work, but with Bobby's help an the help of a few other hunters that came to see Sam, they got it finished with plenty of time to spare. The house was now perfect and ready for them to move in. After Dean finished cleaning the house and making sure it's all in check, he called Ellen on his way back to the hospital.

"Hey, Ellen."

"Hey Dean."

"I'm on my way back to the hospital, just finished getting the house ready. It looks so good, I can't wait for him to see it. The plan's still on, right?"

"Of course. I'll meet y'all over at the hospital tomorrow morning and you boys can follow me home from there."

"Thanks so much. See you tomorrow." Dean's plan was in motion. He was going to tell Sam that they had to go home with Ellen for a while since they didn't have a place yet, and they'd end up at their house. It would be a complete surprise to Sam, and Dean hopes that Sam will be happy about it.

Dean walked into the hospital room and smiled at Sam, barely able to hide his excitement about the house.

"You ready to go home tomorrow, Sammy?"

"Yeah. I'm ready, just nervous."

Dean sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers down Sam's arm. "It'll be alright. After we find our own place, we'll be out of Ellen's. I'll work as much as I have to so we can get out of there, no offense to Ellen.

"I know, Dean."

Dean leaned down and pressed his lips against Sam's. Their relationship had been slowly getting better. It took a while to prove to Sam that he was serious about staying, but eventually Sam believed him. "Get some sleep now. We've got a big day tomorrow." Dean smiled, settling into the cot that had replaced a chair beside the hospital bed.

"Goodnight, Dean."

\--

By 10 A.M., Dean had already packed their bags and there were doctors in the room getting ready to help move Sam to his wheelchair. He had practiced getting in and out of his wheelchair many times throughout the months at the hospital, but he still needed help sometimes until his arm strength increases.

Dean had pulled the Impala around front so that after Sam was helped in the wheelchair, he didn't have to go far to get to the car. He opened the passenger door, hooked his arms under Sam's, and carefully helped Sam into the passenger seat. He folded up the wheelchair and put it in the trunk and then slid in the drivers seat. "You ready to go, Sammy?"

"Yes. It feels good to be leaving this place."

"I bet."

Sam glanced over at Dean, "I'm just glad I'll get to be with you."

Dean smiled at him as the Impala roared out of the parking lot, following behind Ellen.

Sam's brows furrowed in confusion as they pulled into the driveway of a blue house and as Ellen kept driving past it. "Dean, what are we doing here?"

The widest smile spread across Dean's face, "Welcome home, Sammy."

"W-what? Home?"

Dean got the wheelchair out of the trunk and opened the passenger side door, "Yes. This is our new home."

Sam stared in awe at the house as he was helped out of the car and into the wheelchair. He rolled himself across the gravel driveway, up the sidewalk, and up the concrete ramp that was beside the stairs. "Are you serious? But how-"

"Don't ask how, just enjoy it."

Dean unlocked the front door and pushed Sam throughout the house, pointing out the little details he had to adjust for Sam.

"And see? The door frames are wider so that your chair can easily get through. And the counters in the kitchen are a few inches lower so you can reach stuff, and I put in some grab bars in the bathrooms and benches in the shower so that you won't have trouble using it when you're able to use it on your own. Oh, and there are no bathtubs, I made them all into stall showers so it was easier for you to get in and out of. And a few other little things. I just wanted you to be comfortable when you came home."

Sam wheeled around the house on his own a few more times, running his fingers along the white walls, the lowered counters, the widened doorways. "I love it, Dean." he said, parking his chair beside where Dean was sitting on the couch.

"Really?"

"Yes! It's just- I just- I can't believe you'd do this for me."

"I'd do anything for you, Sammy. You know that."

"I know. Thank you. So much."

Dean kissed Sam softly and Sam smiled into the kiss.

"I'm glad I get to be here with you." Sam said.

Sam loved the house and that was all that mattered right now.


	17. Chapter 17

\- Dean -

That night, Dean tried to get Sam to undress himself and get himself in the shower without the help of him. However, it was harder for Sam than he had assumed it'd be.

"I can't do it myself, Dean." Sam's face was red from embarrassment and the exertion it took to try.

"Okay, okay. Let me help you." Dean positioned himself in front of Sam's chair, knees slightly bent. "Put your arms around my neck and try to lift yourself up so I can get your pants out from under your ass."

"Then close your eyes." Sam said with a nervous tone in his voice.

"What? It's not like I haven't seen what you've got going on down there."

"That was a long time ago. And this is really embarrassing that my brother has to help me undress and shower. Just close them, please."

"Whatever, Sammy." Dean closed his eyes as Sam lifted himself up. Dean pulled the waistband of Sam's pants down and took his boxers with it. Sam sat himself back down as soon as Dean got his pants past his thighs, and Dean (blindly) pulled them the rest of the way off. "Can I open my eyes now?"

"No! Help me get onto the bench."

"Sam, how in the Hell am I going to get you from your chair to the bench without being able to see where anything is?"

Sam bit his lip, "Good point. Okay, but only look at my face."  
"I don't know what the big deal is." Dean sighed as he opened his eyes, keeping them on Sam's face like he asked. "Okay, now here's the tricky part. I want you to put your arms around my neck again and lift yourself up like you did before, but lift yourself as far as you can go. I'll get you to where you can sit on the bench. Sound good?"

"Yeah, I guess." Sam wrapped his arms around Dean's neck as instructed and lifted himself out of his chair. Dean's arms wrapped around Sam's waist as he moved until the back of Sam's knees hit the shower bench. Dean slowly lowered him down and released the breath he wasn't aware he was holding.

"There you go. Now here, I got some fancy shower head thing called a hand shower. I don’t know, you just can hold the shower head so it's easier for you to take a shower. The shampoo and body wash is beside you in the basket, and I'm going to sit on the toilet facing away from you so you can shower in semi-privacy. If you need me just say my name." Dean turned and sat on the toilet.

"Dean?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"Can you turn the water on for me?"

Dean laughed, "Sure. Let me drop everything and serve you, your majesty." He returned to his spot on the toilet after he turned the water on.

"You're the one who offered, jerk." Sam said.

A few minutes passed before Sam said Dean's name again.

"What?"

"Can you help me wash my body? I'm struggling here."

"I don't know, can I actually look at anything besides your eyes?""Yeah.""Alright then."Dean stripped down to his boxers, not wanting to get all of his clothes wet, and climbed in the shower with Sam. Dean breathed slowly as he took in his brothers body before him. He looked so much different than the last time he saw him naked. He was skinnier, paler. This was the first time Dean had actually helped Sam take a shower. He had watched as nurses taught Sam how to get in and out of his chair, how to use a toilet, but he still hadn't seen Sam like this, naked, in over four months. Sam looked up at him, a look in his eyes that Dean has never seen before. He looked scared, and Dean didn't know why.

"You're still beautiful, Sam." Dean said as he kneeled in front of Sam and poured some body wash into the palm of his hands. He slowly worked the liquid down Sam's arms, across his chest, over his shoulders, and down his stomach.

"I assumed you’d still view me as broken.""Broken? No. You being paralyzed doesn't change how I view you nor how I feel about you." Dean worked up a lather down Sam's hips, around his thighs, and across his calves and shins.

Sam gasped a little as Dean's fingers trailed back up his legs and hovered on his hips. Dean lifted Sam's chin with one finger and kissed him forcibly, pulling a groan from Sam's lips.

Sam pulled back slowly and a corner of his mouth raised into a smile. "I guess it's reassuring that my dick wasn't affected by the paralysis, huh?"

Dean glanced down and noticed Sam's dick was hard and heavy against his leg. "I see it wasn't." He pressed his lips to Sam's once more, spreading Sam's legs so that he could fit in between them. His fingers then made their way up to Sam's hips again, nails digging into his skin. Sam gasped as Dean's fingers brushed along the length of his dick and Dean took it in hand. He slid his thumb across the head and dipped into the slit where precome was already forming. It had been months since Sam's dick had been touched like this, so Dean knew he wouldn't last long.

Dean ducked his head and circled his tongue around the head and licked stripes down the shaft, ending with Sam's balls in his mouth. Sam groaned and tangled his fingers in Dean's hair, roughly pulling Dean to where his mouth was lined up with his dick. Dean took the hint and swallowed Sam down, hollowing his cheeks as he bobbed his head. Dean closed his eyes and moaned around Sam's dick. The feeling of his lover in his mouth was overwhelming. His hand wandered down his own body and slid beneath the waistband. Dean began jacking himself off to the rhythm of his head sucking Sam off.

Sam was shaking, fingers trying to keep a grip in Dean's hair but having trouble as Dean's free hand found his balls. "Fuck, Dean. I'm close." Sam said as the head of his dick hit the back of Dean's throat. Dean's head bobbed once, twice, three times more before Sam let out a loud moan and liquid shot down Dean's throat. As Sam was coming off his high, Dean was just starting his. A familiar warmth spread through him as he pulled his mouth off Sam's dick and jerked himself off. He bit down on Sam's thigh as his muscles contracted and his load covered his hand and the shower floor. He closed his eyes and tried to get his breathing under control.

"Dean?"  
"Mm?"

"The water is cold and I still have soap on me."

Dean looked up at Sam, just realizing himself that the water was indeed very cold.

"Shit, sorry Sammy." Dean sprayed off Sam quickly and turned the water off. He grabbed a towel and dried him off to the best of his ability before putting a towel down in his chair and helping him into it.

Dean rolled Sam into the bedroom and got him a pair of boxers out of the drawer. "You need to lift yourself up again." He quickly slid the boxers on him and helped him under the covers. Dean turned the light off and curled up beside Sam.

"Dean?" Sam whispered after a few minutes of silence."Yeah Sam?"

"Thank you."

Dean rolled over to look at Sam and propped his head up on his hand. "For what?""Taking care of me.""You deserve it babe." Dean softly kissed Sam and nestled down close to his body.

Dean drifted off to the steady rise and fall of Sam's chest.


	18. Chapter 18

\- Sam -

Sam woke up to the smell of eggs, bacon, and coffee. He shifted himself to where he was sitting on the edge of the bed and he slowly and carefully lifted himself down into his chair. It was hard, and he had to get in an extremely awkward position to do so, but he finally got seated. The only problem now was that he had to use the bathroom.

Once he got on the toilet (with great trouble compared to getting out of bed), he laughed to himself remembering something Dean had told him to do while he was still in the hospital.

"Why don’t you just sit in your chair, pull your dick out, and aim for the toilet?" he had said. There was absolutely no way he was going to even attempt that.

He rolled to the kitchen after he finished and was surprised seeing Dean cooking in only his boxers and singing:

"I've got two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby  
Come with me Friday, don't say 'maybe'  
I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby, like you…"

"When the hell did you start liking Wheatus?" Sam laughed as he came to a stop beside where Dean was now pounding on his air drums.

Dean smiled, "I don’t know, I heard the song on the radio a while ago and liked it." He plated the scrambled eggs and bacon that he had made and carried their two plates over to the table.

"I've got to give it to you, though. Your air drum skills are bad ass."

Dean poured coffee in two cups and sat, "Right? I could totally go on tour with someone."

Sam shook his head and laughed as he took a sip of his coffee. He could totally get used to this - waking up to the love of his life cooking in only his underwear and horribly singing along to rock songs.

His thoughts were interrupted when Dean's phone starts ringing.

"Hello? Who is this?"

Sam looked at Dean confused and he held up a finger telling him to wait."What the fuck do you want?" his tone suddenly turning serious. "No. I want you to leave me alone. Never call me ever again. You understand."

Dean was shaking.

"Dean, are you okay?" Sam asked after Dean forcibly flipped his phone shut.

"No." he said through gritted teeth.

"Who was that?""It doesn't matter Sam." Dean ran his fingers through his hair and stood up, stomping towards their bedroom. Sam followed him and watched as Dean threw his phone against the wall, it exploding into hundreds of pieces.

"Dean, who was it?" he asked. He was worried, Dean hasn’t gotten this infuriated in a long time.

"I said it doesn’t matter!" he yelled.

Sam stopped in the doorway of their room and stared in disbelief at Dean. "It was Jacen, wasn’t it?"

He looked up from where he was sitting on the edge of the bed but didn’t say anything.

"I knew it." Sam said as he turned around and headed for the front door. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew he just had to get away. Now.

"Sam wait!" Dean yelled as he ran from their bedroom. Sam reached the front door and tried opening it but he just couldn’t unlock it and open it from his chair.

Dean grabbed the handles on the back of his chair and pulled him away from the door. Sam tried hitting him and rolling away, but it was useless.  
"Stop!" he yelled. Tears were streaming down his face.

Dean stopped pulling and kneeled as he turned Sam around to face him. "Sammy, what's wrong?"

"I'm fucking useless! That's what's wrong! I can't do anything myself with this bullshit injury! I can’t even open the damn door by myself when I'm furious and need to get out!" Sam screamed. He had been suppressing all of the anger and frustration he had been feeling since the day he found out he was paralyzed, and it was just now all coming out.

Dean ran his hands up and down Sam's shoulders, trying the one thing proven to calm Sam down when he was having a fit. "You are not useless. Do you hear me? And don’t let Jacen bring out all of this shit. He's not worth getting all worked up over, baby."

"What did he want?" he asked as he slowly began to calm down.

"Asked how I was doing, how you were doing. He wanted to know if he could see me and I told him no.""Do you want to see him, Dean?"

"No! I wouldn’t have left him the way I did when I found out you were in the hospital if I ever wanted to see him again. You are way more important to me than he is and I will not let that piece of shit come between us again. Okay? I am yours and you are mine. Until the end. Got it?"

Sam nodded and pressed his foreheads against Dean's. "I'm sorry for flipping out."  
"It’s okay. I would've done the same thing if I were in your position. You needed to get your frustration out and I understand."

"I love you, Dean." Sam whispered."I know, Sammy."


	19. Chapter 19

\- Sam -

Later that night, after they were tucked in to bed, Dean leaned over to Sam and kissed him. Sam was taken aback by the determination in the kiss. As the kiss got more passionate, more intense, Sam started craving more. He craved Dean's touch in a way he had never had it yet before. Sam slid his arm under Dean's body and pulled him on top of him, biting Dean's lip as he did so. "Dean." Sam groaned as Dean began grinding against him. He sighed as Dean's tongue flicked against his lips, begging for entrance. He parted his lips and their tongues collided, Sam's hands tangled in Dean's hair. He pulled hard when Dean's mouth latched onto his neck, leaving colorful bruises along his jaw and collarbone. 

"F-fuck Dean." Sam's nails dug into Dean's back as they made their way down and underneath the waistband of his boxers. He grabbed Dean's ass as his voice shook, "Make love to me."

Dean bit his lip and kissed his way down Sam's body. Dean took Sam's boxers in his teeth and carefully tugged them off, revealing Sam's painfully hard dick. Dean stood and removed his boxers and walked over to the chest of drawers, searching through the top drawer until he found the lube and condom that he stashed there. Sam watched as he crawled to his feet and spread his legs just enough to fit in between them.

"If anything hurts or is uncomfortable, tell me." Dean said as he poured a generous amount of lube onto his hands. Sam bit his bottom lip and nodded as Dean thoroughly covered his fingers.

Dean kissed Sam softly and sat back as he pushed his first finger into Sam's hole. Sam squeezed his eyes closed as he felt Dean's finger slide inside, going deeper and deeper until he couldn't go any further. He bit his lip hard trying to suppress a moan.

"Relax, baby." Dean murmured as he slowly began moving his finger in and out.

Sam breathed slowly to relax himself, his ass loosening as he became accustomed to the feeling of Dean's finger inside him. "Another one." he groaned and felt another finger push past his entrance. Dean's fingers began moving faster, scissoring him open. Sam's back arched as Dean's fingers brushed his prostate over and over. "Dean, I need you in me." he growled.

Dean nodded and flipped open the lid of the lube once again and poured its contents into his palm. He moved his hand up and down his length and then lined the head up with Sam's hole. "You ready, baby?" he asked.

Sam nodded and Dean pushed into him. Dean was a lot bigger than Sam expected. His hole stretched and burned as Dean penetrated it. Sam let out a loud moan as Dean pushed all the way into him before pausing, giving Sam time to get used to him. "Dean, move." he growled, and Dean pulled back only to force himself back in.

"F-fuck!" Dean groaned as he continued moving in and out.

Sam dug his nails into Dean's arms and squeezed his eyes shut as Dean's dick slid in and out of his tight hole. The noises that came from Dean's mouth was driving Sam crazy. Moans, grunts, and hot breath was expelled from Dean's slightly parted lips and washed over Sam's skin leaving goose bumps behind. Sam's dick was aching from remaining untouched so he slid one of his hands from Dean's back and took hold of his dick, stroking it in rhythm with Dean's thrusts. With his other hand, he grabbed hold of Dean's hair and pulled him down, kissing him relentlessly. "Oh, Dean!" he groaned as Dean hit his prostate continuously. They were both covered in sweat and Sam's precome, the mixture slicking their bodies as they rocked against each other. Sam was close. He could tell from the familiar warmth that began in his stomach and then spread to the rest of his body. Dean's teeth sank into Sam's flesh as he panted and moaned Sam's name. Sam came all over their bodies at the same time Dean came inside Sam. Sam held Dean there against his body as they both slowly came down from their highs.

Dean lifted his head off of Sam's shoulder and looked into Sam's eyes, his thumb lightly dragging across Sam's bottom lip before he kissed him soft and sweet. "I love you, Sammy." he whispered.

Sam kissed him passionately before answering. "I love you, too, Dean."

Dean moved off of Sam's body and Sam moved his legs to a more comfortable position. "Dean, we may want to shower again. We're all sticky."

"In the morning." Dean replied, pulling the covers over the both of them and throwing his arm across Sam's stomach. "Goodnight, Sammy."

Sam kissed the top of Dean's head and closed his eyes, "Goodnight, Dean."


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry... Haha. Well, it's getting close to the end of my very first fanfic. Take 5 seconds to comment what you thought about it and I will be eternally grateful!

\- Dean -

\-- SIX MONTHS LATER --

Life was going great for Dean Winchester. His and Sam's relationship was going strong and Sam was healing as expected. He had been going multiple times a week to therapy. They did something called Functional Neuromuscular Stimulation (FNS) but Dean didn't know much about it. The doctors said that it "stimulates the intact peripheral nerves so that the paralyzed muscles will contract" but they didn't go in much more detail than that. The doctors were perplexed when Sam discovered that he had regained little movement and feeling in his legs, but not enough to do much more than move his toes. One night, Dean was testing out how much Sam could feel and how much he could move when Sam informed him that he could feel a slight tickling sensation when Dean ran his hands up Sam's legs and that the feeling intensified the closer Dean's hand was to his stomach. Everything was just fine and dandy in their lives. That was, until they got the phone call from Bobby.

"Hey, Dean. I'm coming down to stay with Ellen for a while, we need to talk when I get down there."

"Oh, uhm, okay. When will you get here?" he asked as he glanced at Sam's confused expression.

"I'll get there late tomorrow night. Think you can meet me at the Roadhouse around 10 P.M.?"

"Yeah, no problem. Everything okay?"

"I'll see you tomorrow."

And the phone went dead. Dean looked at Sam and sat down.

"What was that about?" Sam asked, not knowing who was on the phone or what it was about.

"That was Bobby. He's coming down tomorrow and needs to talk to us. He sounded. . . weird." Dean said.

"I guess we'll just have to find out tomorrow night what he was talking about."

Dean was scared. There was a certain tone in his voice that lead him to wonder if something was seriously wrong. He couldn't handle it if anything happened to him.

\--

At 9:50 P.M., Dean and Sam pulled into the parking lot of the Roadhouse. Dean killed the engine and climbed out of the Impala and got Sam's wheelchair out of the trunk. He set it beside the open passenger side door and waited for Sam to get into it. Sam had gotten a lot better at getting in and out of his chair. He can do everything himself now, but will ask Dean for help every now and then just to get on Dean's nerves. But it's okay with Dean. The only thing that matters is that Sam is okay. They entered the Roadhouse and was bombarded by hugs from Ellen and a very pregnant Jo.

"Woah, woah. PDA!" Dean laughed. He watched as Jo had trouble bending so she could give Sam a proper hug. "When's he due, Jo?"

She straightened and smiled, "One week."

Jo had gotten pregnant by her (now ex) fiancé, Tristan. He had left right after she told him she was pregnant. He claimed he "wasn't ready for a baby" and Dean was ready to shoot the guy. They were both 30 and had been engaged for a year, so Dean couldn't understand how the guy "wasn't ready". But it was over with now, Jo was happy being by herself and she had Ellen, Sam, and Dean to help her if she needed it. After Jo had found out that she was having a boy, she immediately decided to name him William Anthony Harvelle Jr. after her deceased father.

"She needs to start taking it easy but she won't despite my threats." Ellen chuckled.

"Yeah she does." Dean teased, poking Jo's side, making her laugh.

"No, stop, stop! You'll make me go into labor!" Jo squirmed away from Dean as laughter shook her body.

Dean laughed and walked back over to Sam, kissing him on the cheek.

"Awh, look at you two love birds." a voice came from behind them. Dean spun around to see Bobby standing in the doorway and he took off towards him and embracing him.

"It's so good to see you, Bobby." he said, backing away.

Bobby walked into the room, hugging everyone as he went, spending a little more time hugging Sam than he did the rest. "I missed you all."

"So, I know I'm killing the mood and all, but what did you need to talk to us about?" Sam asked.

Bobby sighed, "Sit down, all of you."

They all sat and waited for Bobby to continue. He remained standing and paced back in forth in front of them. "So, there's something I need to tell you. It's kind of serious."

"Then get on with it, Bobby." Jo said.

He breathed in deeply, "I have Extensive-Stage Small Cell Lung Cancer."

Dean's jaw dropped open. "What?"

"It's aggressive and spreads pretty damn fast."

"When did you find out?" Sam asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"A few weeks ago. I had a cough from Hell and really bad chest pain and the doctors told me to come in for a chest x-ray and a CT scan and some other tests I don’t know what they're called. But the results came back that I had Small Cell Lung Cancer and that it had spread from my chest to other parts of my body."

"Well, how long do you have? When do you start treatments?" Jo asked, hope entering her voice.

Dean could tell by the look on Bobby's face after Jo asked that, that he wasn't going to like the answer Bobby was going to give.

"They gave me two months. They could give me up to a year or two if I immediately started treatments, but I'm not going to."

"WHAT?" Dean was on his feet now, his whole body shaking. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT DOING TREATMENTS! YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LET YOURSELF DIE?"

"Yes, Dean! I did this to myself by smoking for over 40 years! I knew the possible consequences and I still did it! I'm not going to prolong the pain and shit I'm feeling for another few month just to die in the end anyways! There's not point! I came here so I can be with the people I love. That's why I came here! So I can spend my last few months around my family!" Bobby yelled back, face turning red.

Dean couldn't take this. He couldn't take Bobby telling him he was going to let himself die. It was selfish of him. Dean ran out of the Roadhouse and took off in the Impala. He didn't know where he was going, he was just driving. He needed to cool down before he snapped on anyone else.

"How the fuck could he do this to us?" he screamed at the windshield, foot flooring the gas pedal as he tore down a back road. He pulled off on the side of the road once he was tired of driving and parked the car. "I can't do this." he whispered. He almost lost his brother and now he's going to lose his father figure. It was too much. His frustration and sadness turned into tears that flowed down his face, never ceasing. His phone rang but he didn't answer, assuming it'd be Bobby or Ellen telling him off for leaving Sam there. Sam.

"Shit." Dean said as he turned the car around and headed back to the Roadhouse. He was mad at Bobby, yes, but he can't take it out on Sam. He pulled in the parking lot and parked the car, taking a deep breath. "Calm down, Winchester. It will all be okay." he reassured himself. But he wasn't so sure.

He walked in and everyone was in the same place they were when he left, except Bobby had now taken Dean's seat. Tears stained all of their faces and Dean couldn't help but tear up again when he saw Bobby. Bobby stood as he walked over and Dean threw his arms around him. "I can't lose you, Bobby."

Bobby hugged Dean tight, "I'm so sorry, Dean."

Dean pulled away and looked in Bobby's eyes, "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm ready, son."

"How? How could you say that? You saw how much it tore me up when I almost lost Sammy. Why can't you see how much it'll tear me up losing my dad?"

Sam grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him towards him, "Dean, you can't force him to stay alive, to do something he doesn't want to do."

Dean looked from Sam's face to Bobby's, "You don’t want to be here anymore. You don’t want to be around us?" He felt betrayed.

"Dean, please. Understand where I'm coming from. I'm 65 years old and I'm dying. Either way, I'm going to die. I would rather spend my remaining time with my family and not in as much pain as I'd be in if I started treatment. Please just understand."

And suddenly, like a switch had been turned on in Dean's head, he understood. Bobby didn’t want to suffer through it. He wanted to enjoy the time he had left. It's, in all reality, is what Dean would want to do if he was in Bobby's situation.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Bobby." Dean was crying again, whole body shaking, on the verge of a breakdown. Sam grabbed his hand again and squeezed it reassuringly.

"I'll miss you, too. Ya idjit." Bobby cracked a small smile and pulled all of them in for a group hug. "Let's have some fun while we still can."

Jo poured them some shots (she had Coca-Cola "shots" because Dean wouldn't let her put not one drop of alcohol in her body since she got pregnant) and they drank all night long, laughing and cutting up like old times.


	21. Chapter 21

\- Dean -

Bobby passed 1 month and 26 days later in his sleep. He was 65 years old.

The funeral was small, only a few hunter friends were invited to it. Everyone shared a few memories they had of Bobby. Sam shared when Bobby taught him how to ride a bike, Dean shared when Bobby would play catch with him when John would leave them at his house. Jo (holding her month old baby boy) shared about how she remembers seeing pictures of Bobby playing with her when she was around 9 or 10 years old. Ellen told about when she first met Bobby and how he was so drunk he was trying to use cheesy pick-up lines on her.

"He failed." she added with a laugh. 

Everyone else was saying how kind and trustworthy he was and how much they'll miss him. Typical "funeral talk". They had him cremated and spread his ashes around North Platte and Ellen would take some back up to his house near Sioux Falls to spread some there as well.

It was a dreary day. Dean didn’t do much talking on the ride back home from the funeral. When they got home, he helped Sam through the door and then went and laid in bed and didn't get up for the rest of the night. Sam didn't bother him until it was time to go to sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

\- Sam -

\-- 3 YEARS LATER --

Sam was doing exceptionally well. He had regained more feeling in his legs. He couldn't move them any more than before, but he could now feel more than just a slight tickling feeling. The doctors were doing poor to explain it to him, but Sam didn't care. He could slightly move his legs and feel more than he could before, and that was enough for him.

After Bobby's death, Dean became more reserved and it worried Sam. They had started fighting more than usual, but Sam tried to keep it from getting to him. He understood Dean was taking Bobby's death very hard, and Hell, Sam wasn't taking it too easily either. But he knew how close Dean and Bobby were, he knew that they shared a connection that Sam didn’t share with Bobby. But Sam wasn’t going to give up trying to reassure Dean that everything was going to be okay.

William was 3 years old now. Jo had barely made it through the terrible two's, but Dean and Sam had been there for her to babysit when she needed alone time. Ellen hadn't been around much since Bobby died. She was traveling around trying to find stuff for some book she was making. She wouldn't tell them much, claiming it was a secret that they would be aware of soon enough.

Jo had brought William over to Dean and Sam's house when Ellen called.

"Hey, Sam. I just wanted to let you know that I'm on my way over to your house. I have a surprise for Jo and William."

"Sure thing, Ellen. We'll be here." he said, smiling as he hung up the phone. "Your mom has a surprise for you and William." he told Jo, winking.

"What is it?" Jo asked.

"I don’t know, she said it was a surprise."

Sam watched as Dean was playing with William. William was on Dean's shoulders and Dean was running around the house making airplane noises.

\--

Two hours later, Dean was asleep on the couch with William by his side. Sam and Jo were in an intense conversation about Jo's new boyfriend and what he did for a living and where he was from when Jo's phone started to ring. Her eyebrows furrowed as she answered the phone.

"Hello? Who's this?"

"Uh huh. Yeah, I am."

"What? What happened? Where is she?"

"I'm on my way."

Jo hung up the phone and grabbed her purse and jacket. "I have to go, Sam. Mom's in the hospital."

"What?" Sam yelled, waking up Dean.

"Whassamatter?" Dean mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

"Mom's in the hospital." Jo repeated as she headed to the door.

"Why?" Dean asked.

"She was in a car wreck. They said it was bad. Can you take care of William for tonight? Please?"

"Yeah, of course." Sam said. "Call us whenever you find anything out, okay? We'll be there first thing tomorrow morning.""Thanks so much, guys." she kissed William and hugged Sam and Dean before closing the door behind her.

"Shit." Dean whispered."Yeah. Shit." 

"I'm gonna take William to the guest bedroom. You can go ahead to bed, I'll be there in a few minutes." Dean scooped up the sleeping William and Sam wheeled himself back to their bedroom. He lifted himself up onto the bed and got settled underneath the covers as he heard Dean start singing to William:

"Christopher Robin and I walked along  
Under branches lit up by the moon  
Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore  
As our days disappeared all too soon  
But I've wandered much further today than I should  
And I can't seem to find my way back to the wood  
So help me if you can, I've got to get  
Back to the house at Pooh Corner by one  
You'd be surprised, there's so much to be done  
Count all the bees in the hive  
Chase all the clouds from the sky  
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh"**

Sam was almost asleep when he felt the mattress dip beside him and Dean slide under the covers.

"I love you." Dean whispered and Sam drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** House at Pooh Corner // Kenny Loggins


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, this chapter didn't turn out as I imagined it. So forgive me.

\- Sam -

Sam was woken up by his phone ringing obnoxiously by his head.

"Hello?"

"Sam? I need you guys here." Jo's voice echoed through the phone.

"Why? Is she okay?"

There was silence until Sam heard her sniff and whisper, "She's gone, Sam. Get here quickly please."

"We're on our way."

Sam hung up the phone and shook Dean awake. "Dean, get up. Now. We have to go to the hospital."Dean sat up and rubbed his eyes, "Why? What's wrong?"

"She's gone, Dean."Dean's eyes widened, "What?"

"Yeah. Get dressed and get William. We have to go."

Dean shot out of bed and pulled random clothes on and took off down the hall to get William. Sam grabbed his clothes that Dean had put on the foot of the bed and he pulled them on as quickly as he could and then got in his chair. Dean had William ready and he was waiting at the door by the time Sam had gotten to the door.

"Lets go." Dean said as he opened the front door. He let Sam out first and William followed. Dean closed and locked the door behind him and helped both Sam and William into the Impala. After putting Sam's chair in the trunk and getting in the car, they took off to the hospital.

"Where's mommy?" William asked.

"She's at the hospital with Grandma." Sam said, glancing at Dean.

"We'll be there soon, buddy." Dean said as he sped up.

They reached the hospital in record time and hurried into the waiting room.

Jo was waiting in a chair near the door with her head in her hands.

"Mommy!" William yelled as he ran towards her. Jo's head snapped up and she smiled as William gave her a hug.

"Hey, honey." she said.

"Where's Grandma?" William asked.

Jo looked up at Dean and Sam, sorrow in her eyes. "She's in Heaven now, William."

"She's in Heaven?"

"Yes, baby. When people leave this life, they go up to Heaven with God.""Why'd she leave us, mommy?"

Tears streamed down Jo's face and her voice broke, "It was her time to go, baby."

"I'm going to miss Grandma."

"So will I." Jo hugged William tight.

There was a lump in Sam's throat. Jo had just lost the only remaining blood she had besides her son. William would never remember his Grandma and Sam couldn't bear the thought of how much pain Jo must be in right now.

After a few minutes, Jo straightened up.

"What happened?" Dean asked.

"According to the police officers that were here earlier, she was driving and lost control of the car and she swerved off the road. The car somehow flipped several times. She didn't have her seat belt on so she was thrown from the car and she broke her neck and spine and had internal bleeding. When I got here, she was in surgery. They told me they didn’t know if she'd make it. Her heart stopped an hour into the surgery and they couldn’t resuscitate her. I didn't even get to say goodbye." Jo's voice broke when she said the last sentence, tears were once again streaming down her face.

Dean hugged her tight, not letting her go for several minutes. "I'm so sorry, Jo."

Jo nodded and wiped her nose on her sleeve. She picked up a book out of the chair she was sitting in. "A police officer gave me this. He said he found it a few feet away from her. It has my name on the front so that's why he bothered to keep it."

Sam took the book from her hands and ran his fingers over the cover. It read "The Life of William Anthony Harvelle Sr." Sam flipped open the cover of the book and on the inside cover it said, "To my wonderful daughter, Jo, and her equally wonderful son, William. I created this book so that you both may get to know William Harvelle Sr. from the perspective of everyone who knew him."

He flipped through the pages and saw many different pictures of Jo's dad with different people, baby pictures of him, and over 70 pages of stories of William Harvelle Sr. that people he knew told. And finally, Sam understood. Ellen had been traveling around the United States to gather stories and pictures of Jo's father and William's grandfather so that they would get the chance to know him as well as everyone else knew him. Sam started crying at the overwhelming memories of a man he didn't quite remember.

He hugged Jo tight and whispered into her hair, "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh. Next chapter is the last chapter. Asdfghjkl.

\- Dean -

Ellen's funeral was much like Bobby's. A handful of people came and shared fond memories they had of her. They spread her ashes around the Roadhouse, knowing that is what she would have wished for herself. 

After the funeral, Jo packed up all of her things and William and they moved out to Tennessee with her new boyfriend, Alex. Dean understood her feeling of needing to get as far away from all of the grief that surrounded the Roadhouse as possible. However, Dean couldn’t leave. North Platte was his home and he had Sam there with him. They stayed and took care of the Roadhouse and Jo would come visit every now and then.


	25. Chapter 25

\- Dean -

\-- 60 YEARS LATER --

A grey-haired, wrinkly, frail Dean carefully lowered himself into a chair at the kitchen table. He pulled out a small, worn, wooden box that had "My Love" engraved on the outside. He opened the lid and pulled out several old photographs. A smiling, bright-eyed Sam was looking up at him from his wheelchair. He had icing all over his face and it was caked in his long brown hair. Dean grinned at the worn photo as he remembered the events of that day. It was Sam's 40th birthday and Dean had told Sam to close his eyes because he "had a surprise for him". Turns out the surprise was just a cake to his face. Dean had snapped the photo shortly after Sam chucked the remnants of the cake at him, narrowly missing his head. Dean continued to grin as he searched through the other photos. Through the picture of the two of them in front of a giraffe at the zoo, one where Sam was smiling at the camera as he sat in front of an airplane before they took a flight to Rome for a summer (Dean could remember this day clearly because he was so scared to set foot on the plane and had to have a little coaxing and kisses to get on board). There were so many different memories captured in the photos, time passing quickly between each shot. The last picture Dean held was one of the two of them kissing, just a few short days before Sam died of a heart attack. It was so unexpected. A tear fell from Dean's cheek as he grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and began to scrawl:

"Dear Sam,

It's been 5 years since you left me, and not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I miss you. I miss your touch, I miss you lips, I miss having you here by my side. I am incomplete without you. When you left, you took my heart with you. It was as if a knife ripped through my soul. One thing I have realized in your absence, the explanation to why our journey hurt so very much is that only love can hurt like this.

And Sam, 'Hope guides me. It is what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that after you are gone from my sight, it will not be the last time I look upon you.'**

Sammy, I'm coming home. I hope you're waiting from me. I can feel my time here is growing to an end, but I am okay with that as long as I get to be with you for all of eternity.

I didn't tell you this near enough times as I should have while you were here, but Sam, I love you with all of my heart.

Your Dean"

 

\---The End---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** This is a quote from A Knights Tale. I just wanted to give credit to the best movie on the planet.  
> \--  
> Well, here it is. The end. Ugh!  
> When I first started writing this, I was mainly shooting for a smut-filled story. Basically smut with a hint of a plot. But as I started writing, ideas kept flooding in my head faster than I could write. So I started down the trail of a particular story line. I got half way done with that (probably to chapter 15 or so) and decided I hated it. So, I began re-writing the entire beginning portion. I kept the middle and continued on. And then I came to the conclusion that I wanted it to go in the direction as it is now written. So, I re-wrote the entire thing AGAIN.  
> I had to do a whole lot more research as well. All of the times you read in this fic (such as how long it takes to get city to city/state to state) are accurate because I wanted this to be as accurate as possible. I also had to do a lot of research on the different types of paralysis, treatment, therapy, etc and also on the different types of cancer. NOW, I am NOT a medical doctor and my resources are what Google provided me with, so if there are any details that are wrong, forgive me. I tried my best.  
> ANYWAYS, I hope you enjoyed!! Please, please, please leave a comment and tell me what you thought. It would mean a WHOLE lot to me. Thanks so much for sticking with it!  
> \----  
> Also, I would like to dedicate this to my best friend, Samantha. She is the one that sat there and listened to me rant about writing this, who motivated me to finish it, and she was also my beta for this. If it wasn't for her, this probably still wouldn't be finished and I'd be re-writing the entire thing for a third or fourth time. So thank you so much, Sammy! I love you!


End file.
